In this edition of #SemFiltro, friends Torrego, Keli Savieto, Fabiana Bruno and Diana Dahre had a conversation without any filter, literally. They speak of intelligent puppies that begin to have habits similar to those of the human owner, of the lack of privacy when they have children, and they relieved themselves about the surprises of motherhood. Because being a mother is a blessing, a joy, an endless happiness, but it also has its pains and negative points. And that, that almost nobody speaks, we speak.
A study conducted by Kid day care and published in the Daily Mail, in England, showed that most women dwell on the difficulties in being a mother. The research is old, from 2014, but the information collected reflects the scenario of motherhood even today.
In general, mothers exaggerate the positive points and the tranquility in the day-to-day of the newborn. They say that everything is fine, only that it is not always there and the lie is a way to hide the fear of demonstrating a possible failure in the new mission. In this research, a thousand women were interviewed, and for 90% of them all went well in the routine, in the care and adaptation of the new life, although the truth was different. In the study, 41% of them do not like to ask for help and do not accept help from family and friends because they do not want to show that they are not reporting the message.
But they also opened the game and 79% of the interviewees assumed that the first three months were more difficult than they imagined. Among the biggest challenges of motherhood, they highlighted: lack of sleep, financial pressures, relationship problems, leaving home with the baby and pressure to know all the answers.
In our conversation, Fabiana brings, in a very funny way, situations of motherhood through which she passed. She says that she always wanted to be a mother, that it was wonderful to breastfeed. But, on the other hand, he saw his forms change and, with that, even his body posture was altered. The sudden change in her routine was also a shock: in one day, she was agitated, with the agenda full of recordings and surrounded by people; the next day, I was locked in the house, spending my days in sweater. Going to the market was the great moment of the day, a true social event.
Despite the laughter that Fabiana’s experience provided, the truth is that this reality affects women and almost nobody talks about these changes in post-maternity life.
On the things that almost nobody comments of that phase:
_ That the body of the woman changes people know, but has a change that is almost not commented: the postpartum. She spends nine months with her belly growing, but aware that she has a baby in there. What nobody talks about is that the baby comes out, but the belly of the pregnant woman continues there, as if she were in the fifth month of pregnancy. A discomfort that goes beyond the aesthetic question, but to be recognise in one’s own body. But of course that is normal with all and will return to normal with the passage of time.
You are going to look at that cute little face of your child and die of love, that beautiful and unconditional feeling bigger than anything and difficult to explain. What nobody talks about is that that love may not come along with the baby. Sometimes it takes time to build that on a day-to-day basis, with coexistence, with the physical contact of touch and hug, a process of adaptation … And it is also super normal (there are more serious cases, in which the mother rejects the child and may indicate something more serious and a doctor should be consulted).
Breastfeeding is something natural, instinctive, innate of the human being. What nobody talks about is that, like everything else in life, it is also learning. It has the best position of the mother and baby, you have the right child takes, you have the elite that can take down, you can have pain and pain (after all, the skin of the region is very sensitive) … That is, a series of things that can make the moment of breastfeeding not magical immediately or until they prevent that gesture. And if that happens, all right, do not make anyone less a mother because of that.
The baby cries and period, that is the way to communicate. That everybody knows, what nobody talks about is that he is not going to stop and you will not know the reason of face. Choro is crying until coexistence helps you identify the types, the needs, what to do to calm and resolve … A constant learning and you get there.
– A baby brings lightness and joy to a house. What nobody talks about is that, from time to time, you may have negative feelings, such as sadness, despair, irritation. And, for feeling all of that, being taken for guilt. It’s normal, he just does not feel guilty. Remember that in real life nothing is a sea of roses, everything is a learning process. In that specific case, you have a life that depends on you, therefore it is natural to have instabilities, insecurities. In the end, you are human and have weaknesses.
In the first months, you will not have time for anything, that’s clear. What nobody talks about is that many times even the pyjama will be able to take off during the day. Bath? To pee? Water? They will have to wait. They will come back, but up there, take a deep breath.
In short, none of that is too scare, on the contrary, it is to comfort. Everything we talk about comes from the experiences of other mothers, women who went through that and shared their experiences to calm other mothers of first, second or any trip. In the end, after all what helps are experiences, conversations and exchanges with other mothers of first, second or any trip. Listening to someone who has already gone through the same thing and already experienced the same delights and pains, is the one who will understand and add. And strengthen to continue in the new mission. That will be beautiful, that after you come to tell us. Combined?