We all know the phrases: “In time everything passes” and “Nothing like time” or “tomorrow will be another day”. It even seems that these buzzwords are consolation for the suffering. However, this is not always the case. Time may even numb the pain a little. But, the days go by and the agony continues. Time can throw suffering to your subconscious or unconscious, making you believe that the problem has been overcome.

In fact, time itself does not heal. Just an event is enough to suddenly bring the old pain back to the surface.

 Losses in life are always constant in our lives. If we stop and think, we lose from the day we were born. To begin with, our own birth. We lost the womb, and our first symbiotic separation. Our anxieties not only refer to the death of loved ones, divorces and departures, but also to conscious or unconscious loss of expectations of relationships, friendships and even our decision-making power. We also have the loss of our youth, our physical and mental ability. Our vitality, the wrinkles, the hair loss, makes us think about the constant losses we suffer throughout our lives. At the same time, this makes us gain experience, maturity and balance over the years.

There are also some studies as published in two books on this topic. Author Judith Viorst published in 2005 the book “Necessary Losses” a brilliant work on how we respond and deal with this theme about time, life, and these life-long losses.

For those who wish to go deeper into the subject, it is also recommended to read the work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, especially the book “About Death and Dying”.

Both authors explain that studies show that most people go through the following phases: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and resilience.

Here are the stages of reporting how most people experience the stages of grief.

Denial Stage

First shock is that we do not believe the news is true. It looks like a nightmare has happened, or you heard it, or saw it wrong. The brain does not accept that information. Obviously, the more we love the person, the less we are likely to believe that someone can leave us.

A fairly common reaction is, no, this cannot be true, accompanied by physical manifestations such as shouts, punches, or even a long silence to understand what the conscious cannot yet accept.

Anger Stage

This next step already demonstrates the conscious part of the individual that the news indeed has unfortunately occurred. The emotions that present themselves are strong with annoyance. Impotence takes over impulsive actions. Punching, throwing objects, screaming and uncontrolling are common. Here the individual is frustrated and the energy is dispensed out of the Self.

At this point, the person should seek host. The outburst and even therapy is of great value. In some cases medication is needed when the injury affects the day to day of the bereaved.

Negotiation Stage

At this stage, the individual begins to wonder how he could have changed or contributed to avoiding the events that caused the person to leave. The conjectures in the imagination before the consummate death are beginning to be questioned. Many times even religious positions are questioned. A frequently asked question is whether God really exists, since the theme of death is a little discussed taboo. The big question here is whether frustration or destabilization is temporary or permanent. Many questions and challenges are felt by the person. Great debates and questions are constant in the mind.

Depression stage

According to author Elisabeth K Ross, at this stage, the lack of a loved one is felt in the intensity of her consciousness. Denial, anger and bargain fail. What materializes is deep sadness, a void that makes everything unconnected, uninteresting and meaningless.

At this stage where sadness is profound, psychological support may be necessary. In the society in which we live the time for mourning is not always understood. And getting back to daily activities requires a fairly quick recovery.

Acceptance and Resilience Stage

This is the last stage of mourning. Accepting does not mean that the subject has forgotten, but in a way, suffering is no longer so imbued with anger or possible explanations. Mourning changes anyone. When it comes to a very close person we love, we are transformed as well. The realization that everything in life has a beginning, middle and end comes to human understanding.

The power of resilience is incredible in overcoming a loss. The term resilience came from physics to designate the ability of some materials to absorb impact and return to their original form. When it comes to human behavior, resilience is tied to ability, the ability of each person to cope and overcome adversity. A resilient person is able to cope with crises, trauma, loss, severe adversity, change, challenges and more by working out and recovering from them. The resilient person learns from his difficulties and challenges to adapt and again give meaning to his life. The persistence and self-confidence you can overcome is something that surpasses time.

In conclusion, time does not always heal by itself. Losses are part of our emotional development. Suffering is part of the life of all human beings, time is subjective and often abstract. But with lifetime and experience our maturity helps us become more self-confident and resilient. Therefore, hope and positive attitudes are always good virtues to overcome losses no matter how difficult.

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